Off, in, out

The security line

It should be so simple. Actually, it is simple.

You just do what everyone else does. Pay attention to all the signs,
remove ALL metallic objects, and step through the portal.

So I don't understand why this is so painfully difficult. Every time I'm
stuck in line I'm always behind some yahoo who just exceptionally clueless
about the process. They always seem to have one more bag ( I know, don't
go there ) to dump on the conveyor. Or they take forever to remove their
shoes, or they have 4 kids in tow, or, and this is my favorite, they seem
to think that their metal is different to everyone else's :

"No, sir, please remove ALL metallic objects."

"What ? This Rolex as well ?"

"Yes, sir, and the gold chains, that large bracelet and I would suggest
removing your large belt buckle as well "

BEEEEEEEEEP !!!

"Sir, do you have a mobile phone in your pocket ?"

"Yes. Why do you ask ? ... "

Clueless

What surprises me is just how many of these sort of people there are. It
is quite enlightening to realise that there are so many people out there
that have just never been on a plane before. The whole process is new to
them. These are probably the same people who don't think you need a
passport to go to Europe. I would have thought that with the number of
flights per day we would have cycled through the population at least twice
by now. But I guess not.

My mother was in town a few months ago and I almost entertained the idea
of taking her on a few trips with me, go to Manhattan for the weekend,
that sort of thing. But when I noticed all the jewelry she wears and
thought about her dealing with security, I realised would have killed her
before she got to the metal detector.

Every now and again I get there at the magic hour when there are nothing
but business travelers in the line and for once it is a well oiled machine.
We aren't scared, we know how the system works and we don't try and fight
it. Pockets are emptied, laptops come out, jackets and shoes are removed.
We are in and out in seconds.

Of course, on my first flight of the new year I went through the metal
detector with my phone still in my pocket.