How to be a good waiter
This was prompted by the musings that I occasionally read over at the
waiterrant (http://waiterrant.net/). Unfortunately, I spend far too much
time in restaurants. This has made me a critical SoB because I want good
service and self-righteous about it since I can claim the whole 'Been
there, done that, paid off my education working tables for many years'
So, If you think you know the industry, sit down and take notes.
Write it down.
You aren't a savant and we will have changes, I don't care if you think
you can remember three courses for three people, you also have a lot of
other crap on your mind and you are going to forget something. (Did I
mention I have allergies ?). Get a pad, Get lots of pens and write it
down.
Don't run away when asked a question.
We haven't got all day, and nothing sucks more than having the server
disappear half way through the ordering to 'Ask the chef'. It also
doesn't sell your ability to remember our orders if you can't retain a
single question for three minutes. Write down the question, and move on
the the next customer.
Know who ordered what.
If you even dare come over here and ask "Who has the fish ?" I'm
sending the whole order back. Number the seats, clockwise, from the seat
closest to the kitchen. Write down the order and the seat number. (Did I
mention that you should write things down).
Learn the menu.
If I ask for a recommendation, be able to suggest something. Work out
what goes with what. When in doubt lie, If I knew what I wanted, I
wouldn't have asked you.
Don't suggest big meals.
Look at your customers and think about how much they can eat. If they
have room for dessert, they may actually order it. If you just stuffed
them with pasta, they'll have a small coffee and leave before they pass
out.
There is no such thing as a Well-Done Steak.
Get the customer to describe how they want their meat ruined, let them
pick from the words: Rare , Medium-rare , Medium, and Not-pink. You can
always apologise later and get the meat cooked a bit longer.
Make eye contact.
Nothing sucks more than a waiter who walks around with their head up their
arse, There are customers who want your attention. They are easy to find,
they will be looking at you.
Learn to open a bottle of wine
Plunging the sharp end through the foil and battling for 10 minutes to get
the damn thing to give up the goods doesn't paint a picture of
professionalism. Get a good Waiters Friend, an empty bottle, and a pile
of old corks and practice. Better yet, buy some of the wine that is on the
list, invite some friends over and get loaded actually tasting the stuff.
The couple in the corner want to have sex
Do not take forever to bring them the bill. They do not want to be left
alone any longer. This is turning out to be a hot date, They have had
good food and wine, and if they can get home and get their clothes off
before they lose momentum they will tip you big time.
Don't bring my next course before I'm ready
This one really sucks. A) I'm here to enjoy my meal, not feel like I'm
being rushed through the experience, and B) Where do you think you're
going to put the meal ? There is already a plate in front of me, and I'm
using it.
Here's a Tip : No-one takes more than 15 minutes to eat a course. Even
with breaks it is possible to server a 3 course meal in 45 minutes.
(Trust me, I've worked pre-show diners where we had to). Just get your
timing right.
Bring all entrees at the same time.
Bring all starters at the same time.
Don't piss off the chef
Don't fuck up the order
Don't be late for your shift
