"Will give up seat for voltage"

We are all just shameless power whores. I've been wandering around the
terminal for the last 10 mins trying to find a seat near a power outlet so
I can charge my laptop.

When it comes to laptop power we have no shame. we will unplug fax
machines, disconnect illuminated signs, and sit down on the floor just to
get to the precious juice. I think that we'd give our left nut for
wireless laptop power even when you see the irony that the radiation would
eventually fry our nads.

And while I'm on the subject of whoring I think it is worth discussing
those poor junkies (myself included) who will rack up frequent flyer miles
just to get upgrades. Really, this makes no sense. We will willingly sit
for long periods of time inside these tin cans just so that we don't have
to sit at the back of the plane. However, for those of us who don't have
a choice in the matter, we suck it up and become upgrade whores. We lurk
on the empty flights, fly at times that give us the best opportunity and
have no problem bumping some poor sap with lower mileage credit just so we
can get the free drinks and the bigger seat.

What really sucks is the demographic of my peers. Flying First class in
United is some sort of bizzare mens club. It seems to be the domain of
the male over 35 set, at least it is on the routes I take.

This fight is no exception. There are 24 seats in first, we're full, and
there are only 2 women in this section. One is 80+ and flying with her
grandson and the other looks is 55+ and either retired or has just been
in the biz a long time. While flying to Chicago the other week, someone
had turned up the stereotype dial and the only female on board was toting
a fur coat, heels, and a custom chrry red Powerbook. (she also spent more
time doing email that I did and was reading 'Semiconductor Weekly'). I
don't know where they find these people. I feel obligated to wear my
grungiest city clothes and a five o'clock shadow whenever I get on board
these days.

But why so many males ? Not that I'm asking for this to be some sort of
"Meet the Chicks" club, but it just plain bizzare. It makes you ask all
sorts of pertinent questions like

"Is the business world this male biased, and there just aren't
that many women who get to fly first class ?"

Or is it something more benign like that they don't want to fly in first
because, frankly, it is a scary boring mens club.

I'd go with either answer, but it is still a poor reflection of society.

I'll have mine with salsa

I recommend listening to salsa music while watching the crows gather
around the gate. they are all have that expectant look on their faces
like the poor saps at the edge of the dance floor waiting for someone to
ask them to dance. As soon as the gate opens it gets even better - find a
good Tito Puente number and imagine them in a large conga line on their
way to the seats. Perfection.

It is the weekend before Presidents Day and I'm in Chicago. Things are
not going well. They switched gates on me while I was in the terminal so
I've just shlepped my arse half way across the world to have to turn
around again.

We are delayed about an hour waiting for our plane and the crowds are getting
restless. There is stil no aircraft at the gate. Just before boarding
time a jet finally decides to roll in and unloads some other poor saps
who are also late. My Blackberry permanently thinks it has voicemail and
I can't get any calls out.

Finally they open the flood gates and let us roll onto the plans with 5
mins to go before our scheduled departure. Fat chance we're ever getting
out of here. Every yahoo and his mother has decided the haul in about 3
pieces of carry on and they are, of course, all roll-aboards.

A friend of mine has a sewing machine. I know this because I asked him
about it one day and he told me that after his divorce he decided to
follow a bedouin tradition and only take what you could fit on a camel.
"A sewing machine fits on a camel" He said. I think that is an excellent
policy - You can only carry into the aircraft what will fit on a camel.

Averting my eyes from the circus I look out of the window to see a
tow-truck pull up to the plane and talk to the guy driving the luggage
conveyor. This can't be good. Oh and there is a maintenance guys in the
cockpit. We're never getting out of here

Google Maps

Google maps is potentially the greatest thing to kick the arse of mapquest. It has one of the cleanest interfaces as well as being fast and efficient. Someone really thought about this and realised that re-drawing a web-page everytime you wanted to zoom, pan or scan was, well, just plain dumb.

Of course, we had to put it to the test and see if it would tell us where to get crack in San Francisco.