I'll have mine with salsa

I recommend listening to salsa music while watching the crows gather
around the gate. they are all have that expectant look on their faces
like the poor saps at the edge of the dance floor waiting for someone to
ask them to dance. As soon as the gate opens it gets even better - find a
good Tito Puente number and imagine them in a large conga line on their
way to the seats. Perfection.

It is the weekend before Presidents Day and I'm in Chicago. Things are
not going well. They switched gates on me while I was in the terminal so
I've just shlepped my arse half way across the world to have to turn
around again.

We are delayed about an hour waiting for our plane and the crowds are getting
restless. There is stil no aircraft at the gate. Just before boarding
time a jet finally decides to roll in and unloads some other poor saps
who are also late. My Blackberry permanently thinks it has voicemail and
I can't get any calls out.

Finally they open the flood gates and let us roll onto the plans with 5
mins to go before our scheduled departure. Fat chance we're ever getting
out of here. Every yahoo and his mother has decided the haul in about 3
pieces of carry on and they are, of course, all roll-aboards.

A friend of mine has a sewing machine. I know this because I asked him
about it one day and he told me that after his divorce he decided to
follow a bedouin tradition and only take what you could fit on a camel.
"A sewing machine fits on a camel" He said. I think that is an excellent
policy - You can only carry into the aircraft what will fit on a camel.

Averting my eyes from the circus I look out of the window to see a
tow-truck pull up to the plane and talk to the guy driving the luggage
conveyor. This can't be good. Oh and there is a maintenance guys in the
cockpit. We're never getting out of here