Shaken and Stirred

Yes, for some mysterious whimsical reason I decided to try and get back on
a plane just after thanksgiving and foolishly thought it would be a
simple experience.

Ah, how soon one forgets.

I was also going to try and get creative and describe the various flights
in humorous and interesting terms, but suffice to say:

I got to the airport early yesterday hoping to fly standby only to
discover all the flights were delayed and I only got back an hour sooner
than originally planned.

I was woken at 6am this morning by my messages telling me that my 2pm
flight today was delayed by 4 hours (there goes that connection)

I called the airline and got moved to an earlier flight (so much for
lunch). That flight was delayed by 1 hour and when I tried to re-schedule
it, they offered to put me back on the original flight.

And, of course, I had to hustle to make my connection with minutes to
spare.

But, that is not the essence of the story. That was merely a lame
attempt to give this blurb a second act.

The more interesting event was somewhere over Salt Lake when we hit some
really bad turbulence.

I mean annoyingly bad.

And this wasn't the freaky, drop 200m and lose your lunch type thing.
This was the pick the plane up and keep shaking it around kind of thing.
All you could do was hold on to your drink and do your best to not to
cause grevious bodily harm to those around you.

Now, when this sort of thing happens I actually get curious and listen
to the Air Traffic Control channel. The only thing more amusing than
hearing a pilot trying to get out of a bad situation, is hearing lots of
them at the same time.

As soon as I plugged in the headset I was bombarded with a flurry of
planes trying to get out of the mess:

Pilot : We're getting some bumps here, what's the situation ?

ATC : Occasional to moderate chop and all levels 23 and above

Translated, that meant that there was no good air anywhere 23,000
feet or higher, aka, most of the usable airspace. After that
it just became a circus, If anyone had a slice of good air, everyone
wanted to fly at the same altitude

Flight XXX : We have low chop at 25

ATC : Roger that

Flight YYY : Request 25

Flight WWW : Also Request 25

Flight ZZZ : Also Request 25, please

Now I'm not going to bore you with ATC talk but the funniest part was
during all this, one pilot just lost all patience. This is what I
actually heard over the radio :

Flight AAA : It's still bumpy up here, what's 29 like ?

Flight ZZZ : 29 sucks !

ATC : Um, thank you flight ZZZ for that succinct update.

When we heard that, anyone who was listening to that channel just burst
out laughing. (which was most of my row and the row in front) The flight
attendant just looked at us with that "What was that" look on her face.
Once someone explained she also cracked up.

Finally our own pilot gave up trying to be nice

Pilot : Request course change so we can find some good air, please

Some time later I was finally able to finish my drink without causing
damage to anyone